Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
