At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
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