Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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