I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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