Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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