Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
