you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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