oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
You were trust falling into bushes
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
