Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
