you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
