im gay
i know
yea but for you.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
