So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
She's the barista slut.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
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