Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize