How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I wish there were birth control emojis
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
me + whiskey = a bad person
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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