YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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