exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
