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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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