Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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