just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
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