Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I currently don't understand fingers.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
