your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
