So drunk its hurt
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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