As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
