idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
