I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
