AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
