All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize