So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Randomize
