Your face is a jimmy john
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Randomize
