you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
