but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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