In the future we'll all be gay
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
