i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize