just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize