Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
love makes seman taste better
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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