mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Randomize
