you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
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