No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
