she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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