made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
