One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
