Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
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