I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
