My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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