We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
