Pants 0. Shit 1.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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