The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Randomize
