Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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