i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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