tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
