I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
