Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
