i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
