What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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