lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize