My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
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