if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
