he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
