If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I smell like Dick and happiness
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
