the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
