I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
You need a sexual gate keeper
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
