It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
