Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Randomize
