Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
