closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Randomize
