apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
4 words: hood of his car
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
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