and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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