k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
You're a disaster
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