I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I think pants incapable of making pants work
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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