I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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