I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
