do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Randomize
