It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
